Tag: criticism

  • Constructive Criticism and Hate

    Both seem good, for both the feedback giver and the receiver. When I give nice feedback, I feel good about it. It feels equivalent to having done a generous act of kindness for the receiver which indirectly is true. Moreover usually, I either end up learning something new or it adds one more block in creating a strong relationship with the person I just helped.

    Hate speech on the other hand can have a negative impact on the receiver but it takes out some amount of anger and aggression from the source. Whenever I take the hate, I save someone else from taking it and it’s fine as long as I am not looking back to it.

    When you’re the hater, you not only detest but also are willing to stop someone from growing which is even worse. People pleasers try to make feedbacks less harsh but it reduces the genuine nature of how they should be. The harsh constructive feedbacks may occasionally be negative, but they are constructive, effective and worth thinking about. As Seth Godin says, “Holding back is selfish, because it deprives the group of your insight at the same time that it normalizes non-participation.”

    The only question I like to ask myself before giving feedback is if it is genuine. The bleakness doesn’t matter as long as it’s genuine. And if it is too bleak, I will prefer holding back over false pleasing.

  • The Idea of being ‘Liked’

    Here’s an absorbing Reddit discussion on the subject “Stop Trying to be liked by everybody, you don’t even like everybody”. It is so interesting to see people having different views about ‘being liked or disliked’.

    Some believe that if they take in criticism, they get to know where they are going wrong and a vast majority of people accept that being liked by others is not important if you truly believe in yourself and trust in your abilities.

    kittysaysdoit says, “liking, disliking—it’s all fleeting. All that you have ever liked or disliked is a judgement from the past which is no longer. Constantly experience things in the now without holding on to like/dislike labels and there will be more vibrant ways to experience people.”

    And the most popular comment which was by MichaelEmouse said, “One thing that helped me: If you wouldn’t seek advice from someone, why would you care about their criticism?”

    In my opinion, it is none of your business to overthink about what other people are thinking about you, including appreciation. If you think you’re doing well, you probably are and the only thing that should matter is how you see others. If you think about someone negatively, it’s your fault and if someone else thinks wrong about you, you shouldn’t let it enter your head.

  • Self-Criticism

    Self-criticism is the worst thing you could do in 2020. Criticising yourself and emphasizing your weaknesses sounds ambitious since you may think that it helps you to grow, but does it really? I’ve always believed that no one is perfect and the fact that everybody is special in their own way. I know you’ve already heard this but it does make sense.

    If you imagine yourself being inferior or poor at something, your brain starts assuming and acknowledging it. What you think is what you become! If you start thinking that you suck at maths, you’ll probably start disliking maths and becoming weaker at it even if you could improve with some extra classes. Self-criticism makes you lose your self-confidence and self-esteem, the two qualities extremely necessary for growth.

    I do buy the concept of ‘voices in our head’ and sometimes it just feels like you’re talking to yourself – or self-talk as we like to call it. Talk to yourself like you’re talking to a friend, would you really like to criticize and discourage a friend like you do to yourself? Negative self-talk is an enemy to our brain, and criticizing yourself is as cruel as criticizing others. We often blame ourselves for petty things when we’re worried and anxious or sometimes just for humour. Believing that being harsh on yourself will improve your performance is an incorrect mindset.

    If you genuinely think that you require improvement in something, you should keep yourself motivated and constructively improve rather than highlighting the flaws and depreciating yourself. The next time you feel like criticizing yourself, ink down your thoughts as when you put things out on paper, you go through them multiple times..a bit deeply and you come to know them thoroughly before you exaggerate them further.  

    Treat yourself as a human being and be kind to yourself. Try to perceive these challenges as ‘delightfully difficult’ creating opportunities out of them.