Constructive Criticism and Hate

Both seem good, for both the feedback giver and the receiver. When I give nice feedback, I feel good about it. It feels equivalent to having done a generous act of kindness for the receiver which indirectly is true. Moreover usually, I either end up learning something new or it adds one more block in creating a strong relationship with the person I just helped.

Hate speech on the other hand can have a negative impact on the receiver but it takes out some amount of anger and aggression from the source. Whenever I take the hate, I save someone else from taking it and it’s fine as long as I am not looking back to it.

When you’re the hater, you not only detest but also are willing to stop someone from growing which is even worse. People pleasers try to make feedbacks less harsh but it reduces the genuine nature of how they should be. The harsh constructive feedbacks may occasionally be negative, but they are constructive, effective and worth thinking about. As Seth Godin says, “Holding back is selfish, because it deprives the group of your insight at the same time that it normalizes non-participation.”

The only question I like to ask myself before giving feedback is if it is genuine. The bleakness doesn’t matter as long as it’s genuine. And if it is too bleak, I will prefer holding back over false pleasing.